Dear Ms. Prospective WAG,

Thank your for your interest in joining our matchmaking agency. As you may know, finding a rich football player to marry is never an easy undertaking. What you may not know is that finding a suitable mate is just as trying for young, wealthy footballers, who often have an extraordinarily difficult time finding a woman who has all the spiritual, intellectual and physical qualities required to be a good WAG.

We endevour to help our clientele of rich, young footballers to find their perfect match. This requires us to carefully screen all applicants to ensure that only the best candidates have the opportunity to meet our clients.

We therefore require you to answer several question to asses your suitability as a candidate for our WAG matchmaking program.

Part 1: IQ Test

1. Which one of the following figures is least like the other three:

  • square image
  • square image
  • square image
  • triangle image

2. Who/What is Victoria Beckham:

  • A range of underwear
  • The Queen of England’s grandmother
  • David Beckham’s wife
  • A Christmas pudding

3. John leaves Liverpool Station at 3:30pm on the south-bound to London Waterloo. Peter leaves Birmingham Station half an hour later, travelling half the distance to London at 1/3 of the speed.What is the name of the man who takes the train from Liverpool ?

(Please use the blank space below for rough work and calculations.)

Part 2: Personality Test

Being a WAG requires more than the intellectual resources required to deal with this occupation. The following questions tell us whether you have the right personality to take up the position of WAG. Each question has only one correct answer.1. Which one of the following words describes you best:

  • Imaginative
  • Talented
  • Kind
  • Blonde

2. When in the presence of the British media, which of the following features should you attempt to emphasise:

  • Sense of humour
  • Grasp of football
  • Legs
  • Charisma

3. A guest arrives at one of your parties wearing a Versace piece from the previous season. Would you:

  • Offer them a drink
  • Complement them on their individualistic flair
  • Offer them the use of fashion from your wardrobe
  • Ensure the other WAGS hadn’t noticed and call security

4. Your husband’s club wins the Premiership and he offers you £10,000 in spending money. Would you spend the money on:

  • Your local feeding program for the poor
  • A university course in evolutionary biology
  • Shoes
  • A private detective to investigate your husband’s suspected affair with the goalkeeper

Conclusion:

Thank-you for your honesty in answering this demanding questionnaire. The information provided will be sufficient to compose a detailed personality profile and character analysis. Please ensure that you attach the requested portfolio of A4 sized glamour shots to this application, as well as the contact details for your parents or pimp.

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